Since July 2007 I've been working towards losing all of my excess weight and becoming more healthy. Nothing scared me into this decision, I wasn't diagnosed with diabetes or heart problems. There was just something so powerful that made me want to completely change my lifestyle. I was hiding from life, love, and people.
It's hard to describe to someone who has never been overweight how people treat you. It wasn't common for people to be outright mean or rude, it was very common to be completely ignored as if I didn't exist. In a way I agree with them, it was hard to look at me because I wore all of my fear and pain on the outside and had no choice but to reveal it to anyone I was around. I looked like I was always struggling, struggling to walk and struggling with the embarrassment of the way I looked. I was totally at the mercy of my past and my childhood that told me I wasn't good enough. But I have to define that for myself. Once I made the choice to change I started walking for an hour before work, then going to the gym, then changing my diet, then not eating past 7:30pm and all of a sudden people were noticing and making encouraging comments.
I will not reveal my highest weight, it is so shameful to me. But I have crossed over a huge goal and I am so very proud of myself. This huge goal = 100 pounds lost. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I wish I could say it is easy, but it is so far from easy it's not even funny. But I want this so bad, I want this more than anything. I have a way to go still, but I really am proud to cross this milestone.
Basically, what I do is stay away from dairy, meat, and sugar. I go to the gym before work at 5:30am about 5 -6 times a week for one hour. I work out on the elliptical machine for 40 minutes then do strength training on the weight machines for 20 minutes. For my meals I eat a lot of green leafy salads, sunflower seeds, almonds, ricemilk, luna bars, oatmeal, fresh juices, and whole wheat bread. I took a class on raw food preparation and one on vegan cooking, that gave me a ton of ideas for meals. I had to say goodbye to anything carbonated and my all time favorite comfort food = fast food. I have to admit that I have fallen off a couple of times, but I get back on every time and I don't beat myself up about it. I have a picture of myself taken before this journey, and looking at it really motivates me. I can't believe I ever looked like that, but I did, and I will never look like that again.
I'm writing about this because I dunno, maybe someone will read it who is on their own battle with losing weight and can relate to the difficulty. I am also writing this for my own selfish reasons, I need to expose my thoughts because it gives me more fuel for the fire. Rawr!!!
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3 comments:
I always have these overwhelming urges to comment on your blog. I guess it's just how I get to connect right now. I am so proud of you, and admire you for your dedication not only to losing the weight, but to facing your fear, while remaining authentic and beautiful. You will forever be the most amazing woman, be it a size 20 or size 2. Keep it up!
Miss bug! CONGRAT-U-FREAKING-LATIONS! i am so proud of you i am almost sick to my stomach. Keep it up girl. i have hit a goal too, but i will have to share that over the phone. i am not as brave as you!
Um, hi. Remember me? I'm Kristen's cousin. I think you are beautiful and Kristen told me to read your blog, and I'm glad I did. I'm on my own weight loss mission and it was inspiring to read this. Way to go! I'm really impressed and I loved what you said about wearing your fear and pain on the outside. Hello. It's so true. Anyway, could I please ramble on some more? Sure. Kristen is always bragging about how awesome you are, and she's right. And your boyfriend is a BABE.
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