My Journey

Since July 2007 I've been working towards losing all of my excess weight and becoming more healthy. Nothing scared me into this decision, I wasn't diagnosed with diabetes or heart problems. There was just something so powerful that made me want to completely change my lifestyle. I was hiding from life, love, and people.

It's hard to describe to someone who has never been overweight how people treat you. It wasn't common for people to be outright mean or rude, it was very common to be completely ignored as if I didn't exist. In a way I agree with them, it was hard to look at me because I wore all of my fear and pain on the outside and had no choice but to reveal it to anyone I was around. I looked like I was always struggling, struggling to walk and struggling with the embarrassment of the way I looked. I was totally at the mercy of my past and my childhood that told me I wasn't good enough. But I have to define that for myself. Once I made the choice to change I started walking for an hour before work, then going to the gym, then changing my diet, then not eating past 7:30pm and all of a sudden people were noticing and making encouraging comments.

I will not reveal my highest weight, it is so shameful to me. But I have crossed over a huge goal and I am so very proud of myself. This huge goal = 100 pounds lost. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I wish I could say it is easy, but it is so far from easy it's not even funny. But I want this so bad, I want this more than anything. I have a way to go still, but I really am proud to cross this milestone.

Basically, what I do is stay away from dairy, meat, and sugar. I go to the gym before work at 5:30am about 5 -6 times a week for one hour. I work out on the elliptical machine for 40 minutes then do strength training on the weight machines for 20 minutes. For my meals I eat a lot of green leafy salads, sunflower seeds, almonds, ricemilk, luna bars, oatmeal, fresh juices, and whole wheat bread. I took a class on raw food preparation and one on vegan cooking, that gave me a ton of ideas for meals. I had to say goodbye to anything carbonated and my all time favorite comfort food = fast food. I have to admit that I have fallen off a couple of times, but I get back on every time and I don't beat myself up about it. I have a picture of myself taken before this journey, and looking at it really motivates me. I can't believe I ever looked like that, but I did, and I will never look like that again.

I'm writing about this because I dunno, maybe someone will read it who is on their own battle with losing weight and can relate to the difficulty. I am also writing this for my own selfish reasons, I need to expose my thoughts because it gives me more fuel for the fire. Rawr!!!

My Hero

My boyfriend witnessed an accident and pulled 2 old people from a burning car last Thursday. On highway 1, here in Californina, there are parts where all of a sudden you have a stoplight so you have to slow down from highway speeds if the light is red. There's one particular stoplight that is right after a bend in the highway so, as you turn, you have to slow down, see what color the light is, and then either stop or keep going. The guy in front of my boyfriend didn't slow down and he just had to watch as the guy going 65 MPH ran the red light and slammed into the couple going turning left. Now.... this is why I love him even more. I have seen people witness accidents and drive off without stopping. I have seen people step over people who have tripped and fell on the sidewalk. How people can do those things is unbelieveable to me. But my love pulled his car over to safe area and helped. My love saw the hood of the car spewing flames and didn't hesitate to get the people out to a safe place. He didn't pass them hoping the next person would help because he had to be at work, he knew that they needed to get out of that car so that's what he did. I held him especially tight that night, feeling so lucky that I have a man who is kind and awake enough to save the lives of strangers.

The Sweetest Thing

And then something happens to lift me right off the ground.... a surprise love note.

Life is Luscious

I really want to be someone who lives in the moment. I find myself feeling generally stressed lately... all the time. I'm focusing too much on the small things that aren't working instead of looking at the bigger picture. So I'm going to make a list! Woot! A List!

Things in my life that are awesome:






I have a gorgeous, funny, kind man in my life who I get to wake up next to every morning.
I live so close to the beach that I can hear the waves crash from my bed as I fall asleep at night.
I have a great job where I laugh most of the day and that gives me the means to live in this beautiful part of the world.
I have a cat and a dog that run to the door to greet me when I get home.
I have a car to get me where I need to go.
I have friends that I can call and no matter how much time has passed since our last conversation, can pick right back up with the laughter and support that I love.
I live in a house with a huge yard full of possibilities.
When I feel unsafe and insecure I can crawl into my boyfriend's arms and feel small and protected.

I feel better already. I really do have a rich life. Maybe not financially, but very definitely in many other ways.