The best Christmas present ever....

So, I just received the gift I bought Michael for Christmas. It's an inversion table. I kick so much ass I can hardley stand it. He's gonna flip his lizzy and no I cannot wait so I am giving it to him tonight. I am horrible about waiting until birthdays or Christmas, if I know you're gonna love it and it's perfect... I absolutely without question will give it to you the moment I get it. It's just the way the cookie crumbles.

And no, that's not me on the inversion table. Thanks to all who may have been confused! :)

Not having kids anytime soon....

I was drifting off into sweet slumber last night when suddenly I felt my nose being pinched shut. I opened my eyes to find Michael staring at me. "I can't take it anymore," he says. "Your nose whistle sounds like screaming babies."

Kite flying -- not as easy as it looks

I had a wonderful 5 day weekend. For thanksgiving I went with my sister to her friend's house to eat the feast. There were 3 of us that did the actual cooking and man.... so not easy. Her friend, Jackie is friends with the entire central coast of California I realized. So, the people just kept walking in the door. We cooked and prepared a whole lot of food and appetizers, plenty for all... so that was a relief. At the end we all sat around a fire and rubbed our full bellies... bliss! I got to listen in on some interesting conversations about electric cars and solar panels. Man, there are a ton of hippies here.

A couple of Saturdays ago, I totally scored and found a really fancy new kite at a garage sale. !1 dollar! And it wasn't made out of plastic garbage bag, it was cloth. YAY! So, Michael and I went to the beach on Saturday to fly this awesome kite. Yeah, all the way to the beach it was windy outside, then BAM..... got to the beach.... no wind. Which is usually the opposite actually... hmmm weird. But we didn't give up that easy, we ran to create wind but the longest the kite stayed up was like 30 seconds. It just kinda fell, nose first, into the sand... over and over. Then Lily, our dog, would attack it. It wasn't happenin for us so we just laid out on a blanket and ate oranges and read magazines. All together a fun afternoon even though we couldn't get the kite action on. Next time.... :)

On Sunday we went to an outside free showing of "It's a Wonderful Life." This was so much fun! Everyone just brought their camp chairs and blankets and sat out on the lawn next to a building. They projected the movie onto the side of a building. It was so nice, cuddling up to my boyfriend and watching the movie outside. I loved it, being there with all those strangers and everyone with their families and loved ones.... ahhhhh.... I'm so cheesy like that. Even though there is so much to stress about right now, that moment was just so perfect and I felt so peaceful in the middle of all those strangers with the arms of the man I love around me.

Ahhhh.... ok, thanks.... needed to hear that

"Keep knocking, and the joy inside will eventually open a window and look to see who's there."

-- RUMI

Oh Oprah!

At the risk of sounding cheesy I have to declare my admiration for Oprah. She's real and juicy. I loved her "what I know for sure" article in her November O magazine. Here are her top 20 things she knows for sure, I was inspired by it. I hope someone else is!

1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what.
2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.
3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.
4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.
6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.
7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough.
8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.
9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.
10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.
11. Trust your instincts, intuition doesn't lie.
12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.
13. Let passion drive your profession.
14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.
15. Love doesn't hurt, it really feels good.
16. Every day brings a chance to start over.
17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.
18 Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.
19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.
20. "Trouble don't last always" (A line from a negro spiritual)

I actually teared up typing some of those! I'm having problems keeping a positive outlook right now. Micheal was just laid off from a job that he loved and paid him very VERY well. And in this area, that job was very rare because of the high pay and benefits. Ahhh the woes of living in a resort area, everyone wants to live here. As a result, they make the prices of real estate sky high and the jobs pay very low. They laid him off the day after his birthday. So, we are in financial stress sent straight from the firey depths of hell right now. So, to my friends, please pray for us! I am actually throwing around the idea of us just picking up and moving to LA. Michael has done enough acting that, with his experience, he could land some good jobs. And my kind of jobs pay better in LA too. Who knows, maybe I'm up for an adventure!

Birthday!

Today my boyfriend turns 31. I wanted to take a moment and just share how much this man has healed me and changed my life.

We met at a jazz performance in Nov 07 shortly after his 30th birthday. I fell for him pretty quickly (I mean just LOOK at those dimples... c'mon!) and he took a little more time to let go and trust me with his heart, but there was always this amazing connection between us. It is coming up on 1 year together (wow how did that happen?) and I feel very lucky to have such a gentle, sweet, kind man in my life. He loves me, and I know that because he tells me everyday. He makes me laugh until I can't stand it anymore, he walks on the beach with me and shares his life stories and wants to know mine, he holds my hand as we stroll along ablivious to anyone but us, he listens when I need to talk, he puts his arms around me when I am sad, and he is just the cat's meow. Happy Birthday Micheal!

And yes, he absolutely loves it when we are at a restarant and I bring out the camera... he just looked so good! I had to!

Forget the Mirage.... sheesh

This is astounding to me.... how is this done? Amazing!

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HeUixe_Lpg&eurl=http://videos.komando.com/2008/08/19/water-painting/>

Oh the embarassment....

Cloey wants to scratch my eyes out and watch me die slowly, can you tell? But she'll grow to love it, I know it. She just doesn't have the halloween spirit...... yet!

Peaceful

Some things in my life that had been really stressing me out have resolved themselves and I feel so much better now. This picture was taken last night as me and my boyfriend were out on a walk. Can you believe I live here? Seriously? The picture is of Morro Rock which always reminds me of the giant turtle looking thing Atreiou sought advice from in The Neverending Story. If it ever lifted up and a giant turtle neck came out, I wouldn't be surprised at all. I would punch Michael on the arm and say, "Told ya!"

Vagina!

I was enjoying these yummy dried pears until I realized I was eating little mini vaginas.

SomeEcards.com

It's so deliciously inappropriate.

LOL cats

Sorry, couldn't resist... and my sides hurt from laughing. Thanks Michelle! :)

Oh the horror....

This is the largest spider I have ever seen with my own eyes. I am completely obsessed with it, and it's right outside the door to my work. Why this spider is here, tormenting me, is unknown. But I can't stop going outside to see if it's still there, planning it's plan to eat me in one gulp.

My Journey

Since July 2007 I've been working towards losing all of my excess weight and becoming more healthy. Nothing scared me into this decision, I wasn't diagnosed with diabetes or heart problems. There was just something so powerful that made me want to completely change my lifestyle. I was hiding from life, love, and people.

It's hard to describe to someone who has never been overweight how people treat you. It wasn't common for people to be outright mean or rude, it was very common to be completely ignored as if I didn't exist. In a way I agree with them, it was hard to look at me because I wore all of my fear and pain on the outside and had no choice but to reveal it to anyone I was around. I looked like I was always struggling, struggling to walk and struggling with the embarrassment of the way I looked. I was totally at the mercy of my past and my childhood that told me I wasn't good enough. But I have to define that for myself. Once I made the choice to change I started walking for an hour before work, then going to the gym, then changing my diet, then not eating past 7:30pm and all of a sudden people were noticing and making encouraging comments.

I will not reveal my highest weight, it is so shameful to me. But I have crossed over a huge goal and I am so very proud of myself. This huge goal = 100 pounds lost. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I wish I could say it is easy, but it is so far from easy it's not even funny. But I want this so bad, I want this more than anything. I have a way to go still, but I really am proud to cross this milestone.

Basically, what I do is stay away from dairy, meat, and sugar. I go to the gym before work at 5:30am about 5 -6 times a week for one hour. I work out on the elliptical machine for 40 minutes then do strength training on the weight machines for 20 minutes. For my meals I eat a lot of green leafy salads, sunflower seeds, almonds, ricemilk, luna bars, oatmeal, fresh juices, and whole wheat bread. I took a class on raw food preparation and one on vegan cooking, that gave me a ton of ideas for meals. I had to say goodbye to anything carbonated and my all time favorite comfort food = fast food. I have to admit that I have fallen off a couple of times, but I get back on every time and I don't beat myself up about it. I have a picture of myself taken before this journey, and looking at it really motivates me. I can't believe I ever looked like that, but I did, and I will never look like that again.

I'm writing about this because I dunno, maybe someone will read it who is on their own battle with losing weight and can relate to the difficulty. I am also writing this for my own selfish reasons, I need to expose my thoughts because it gives me more fuel for the fire. Rawr!!!

My Hero

My boyfriend witnessed an accident and pulled 2 old people from a burning car last Thursday. On highway 1, here in Californina, there are parts where all of a sudden you have a stoplight so you have to slow down from highway speeds if the light is red. There's one particular stoplight that is right after a bend in the highway so, as you turn, you have to slow down, see what color the light is, and then either stop or keep going. The guy in front of my boyfriend didn't slow down and he just had to watch as the guy going 65 MPH ran the red light and slammed into the couple going turning left. Now.... this is why I love him even more. I have seen people witness accidents and drive off without stopping. I have seen people step over people who have tripped and fell on the sidewalk. How people can do those things is unbelieveable to me. But my love pulled his car over to safe area and helped. My love saw the hood of the car spewing flames and didn't hesitate to get the people out to a safe place. He didn't pass them hoping the next person would help because he had to be at work, he knew that they needed to get out of that car so that's what he did. I held him especially tight that night, feeling so lucky that I have a man who is kind and awake enough to save the lives of strangers.

The Sweetest Thing

And then something happens to lift me right off the ground.... a surprise love note.

Life is Luscious

I really want to be someone who lives in the moment. I find myself feeling generally stressed lately... all the time. I'm focusing too much on the small things that aren't working instead of looking at the bigger picture. So I'm going to make a list! Woot! A List!

Things in my life that are awesome:






I have a gorgeous, funny, kind man in my life who I get to wake up next to every morning.
I live so close to the beach that I can hear the waves crash from my bed as I fall asleep at night.
I have a great job where I laugh most of the day and that gives me the means to live in this beautiful part of the world.
I have a cat and a dog that run to the door to greet me when I get home.
I have a car to get me where I need to go.
I have friends that I can call and no matter how much time has passed since our last conversation, can pick right back up with the laughter and support that I love.
I live in a house with a huge yard full of possibilities.
When I feel unsafe and insecure I can crawl into my boyfriend's arms and feel small and protected.

I feel better already. I really do have a rich life. Maybe not financially, but very definitely in many other ways.